The first film in this ongoing project focuses on a new mother as she breastfeeds her child over the first year of his life. We hear the mothers voice throughout the film expressing both maternal love, and ambivalence, negotiating autonomy, time, and her body in transformation. The audio, taken from conversations between the artist and mother reflects upon, maternal temporalities, the emotional and physical work that goes into raising a child, the transformation of the female body and on the unwaged labour of mothering. Marking the relationship between mother and child, the film ends as the child begins to differentiate from his mother, by attempting to feed her.

The project is inspired in part, by the ‘infant observation’, a psychoanalytical training initiated at the Tavistock clinic, by Esther Bick. The training requires students to observe a mother and child over a one or two-year period. My research includes readings of the work of post Freudian psychoanalysts, Nicholas Abraham and Maria Török, whose work makes connections between the absence or presence of the breast and the lifelong work of mourning through the processes of introjection or incorporation.

'When Claire asked me if I wanted to make a film with her about my baby and me, I was honoured. It made me feel special and seen – and that what me and Cassim were doing together on the long drawn out days at home was interesting to someone. I knew these days would pass – and the idea of having a document I would be able to look back on felt good. Having the camera pointed at me felt different though. I  had done an infant observation as part of my counselling training, and as soon as the camera was on, I realized  I was worried about being judged. I was acutely aware of all mine and Cassim’s movements and interactions – would this make me look like a good mum or not? Claire is someone I feel completely comfortable with – but there is something about motherhood that shines a new spotlight on us. Now Cassim is 2, I love having the film, and I love watching it. It reminds me of the closeness of those early months, and I feel lucky to have a record of it.' 

Hannah

For screenings please contact UAL Archives: archive-enquiries@arts.ac.uk